Caregiving From a Distance

April 8, 2023
ComPsych Guidance Resources
Asian old senior making video call via mobile phone talking with family

If you have an elder who requires assistance, yet does not live near you, helping out may seem difficult. However, distance does not mean you cannot provide comfort and care for your elder.

Devising a Care-Sharing Plan

The first step in crafting an elder care plan is to assess your elder's needs. This should involve input from everyone involved, including the elder and his or her immediate family. Here are some tips:

  • If your elder can live independently, staying in his or her current home is a convenient option. Other options to consider include a retirement village or continuing-care retirement community for seniors. If your elder cannot continue to live independently, look into assisted-living housing choices: nursing homes, assisted-living facilities, board and care homes, etc. Another option is to have a family member share the elder's home, or have the elder move into a family member's home.
  • Talk with your elder about any physical, mental or emotional problems, and gauge his or her current level of mobility. While visiting, accompany your elder on a visit to the doctor for a checkup. Talk with the physician about special diets, exercise, nutrition and strategies for dealing with any illnesses. Make sure the elder has the proper home healthcare equipment and necessary medications.
  • Your elder may benefit from the daily or weekly services of a nurse, personal-care aide, homemaker or another in-home care provider. If your elder's doctor authorizes services, Medicare may help pay for in-home care. If you are shopping for help privately, in-home caregivers can be hired through a variety of sources, including home-care agencies, hospitals, social-service agencies, non-profit organizations, community groups, and via word-of-mouth or a newspaper advertisement. Your elder may also be able to sign up for a home-delivered meals-on-wheels service offered by a senior center or local supermarket.
  • Help your elder create a budget to work with. Determine Social Security income and any pension/retirement distributions. Calculate expenses, including Medicare and private healthcare premiums and co-payments, rent, utilities, groceries, etc. Reevaluate the elder's investment portfolio: Is he or she allocating money wisely based on age and future needs? Consult with a professional financial planner to come up with the best savings and investment plan. Determine any immediate shortfalls and exhaustion of future funds: Can you and other family members contribute to his or her financial needs? Does the elder qualify for federal or state financial assistance?
  • Elders can be more vulnerable to falls, accidents and crimes, so it is important that their homes be safeguarded properly. Take stock of your elder's dwelling and determine if any improvements or extra safety devices are necessary. Go through a mock daily routine, from morning rituals to getting into bed for the night. List anything that looks like it needs to be replaced or improved. Consider purchasing a PERS (Personal Emergency Response System) from a hospital or private security company. These emergency alert devices worn by elders can be pressed to summon help from emergency response centers.
  • Do not be afraid to ask for help. While always respecting your elder's independence and dignity, determine what each family member's responsibilities will be. A nearby sibling may be able to bring hot meals to the elder twice a week and manage his laundry; another relative may agree to host the elder every Sunday. Not being readily available, you may want to contribute financially.
  • Find out who the elder's friends and trusted neighbors are. Contact these people, and ask if they can occasionally run errands for or check in on the elder, offering transportation and providing companionship. Perhaps a clergyman can visit sporadically. Instruct these helpers to contact you immediately in the event of a real or suspected emergency.
  • Help your elder get involved with a local senior center. They may offer transportation, host social events and provide free activities. Area park districts, libraries and other public facilities may also sponsor free senior courses and events.

Keeping in Touch

Though you may not be able to tend to immediate needs as a long-distance caregiver, it is important to reassure your elder that you do care and are willing to help in any way possible. Encourage your elder to reach out to you and not be afraid to ask for help. Suggest he or she try to anticipate future problems and communicate these concerns to you before a possible need arises. Learn to listen carefully to concerns, and be patient with the elder's complaints: Always try to console your elder with warm, comforting words. Aim to respond promptly to your elder's requests.

Schedule a set time every day or during the week when you will call the elder. Remember to celebrate important occasions, such as birthdays or special anniversaries, by sending presents, phoning and, if possible, visiting. Everyone likes surprises, but it is best to inform your elder ahead of time that you plan on visiting. Be clear in your expectations to avoid any disappointment: If you plan to visit several other people on different days during your visit, communicate this to your elder.

Check in regularly with caregiver relatives about the elder's condition. Call the elder's physician every so often: Is he or she getting the proper treatment and showing up for checkups? Phone a trusted neighbor and ask for his or her opinion about the elder's condition.

Make plans to visit your elder regularly; if possible, arrange for your elder to travel and visit you. Make the time that you spend together meaningful and productive while continuing to reevaluate health and living conditions and assessing needs with other family members.

Resources

©2023 ComPsych ® Corporation. All rights reserved. This information is for educational purposes only. It is always important to consult with the appropriate professional on financial, medical, legal, behavioral or other issues. As you read this information, it is your responsibility to make sure that the facts and ideas apply to your situation.