Conversations about Death and Everything In Between

Death Conversations and Everything In Between

As much as we all yearn to be the exception to the rule, “death waits for no one”.   When it comes to conversations or making decisions, we may often ignore, refuse, delay, and somehow hope that the death will go away.  As caregivers, we understand why; many of us are working hard to live life in the present.  Some of us may see changes – in our loved ones or ourselves, yet the thought of the future, let alone talking about the end of life, is too painful.   Then we have what may lie in between the unexpected, like a diagnosis or a disaster. Although fear may stifle starting these conversations, many of us have experienced the loss and sadness of not knowing our loved one’s wishes and legacies. Even our grief may be exacerbated by not knowing what our loved ones wanted before and after death.

Let’s Talk About Death… and Life!

What if we look at the end of life from another angle? Here comes the good part…it can be done!  Yes, we may be talking about death, but aren’t we also talking about our lives and those we love?  Conversations allow us to express our emotions, relish our relationships, define boundaries, devise alternative plans, and offer presence. Conversations attest that your care team will advocate and do their best for you regardless of the diagnosis, event, or future and ensures that you will do the same for those that you love. End-of-life conversations can be incredibly powerful.  Discussions about death may involve everyone’s wishes for life; our children, our pets; what is needed to honor our families, our communities, and ourselves.   Conversations shed light on what we want for our medical care, legal and financial considerations, estate planning, etc.  These conversations ensure a better quality of mind, care, and life for everyone. 

Need more “good stuff” about death?

 End-of-life conversations can bring about:

• Greater clarity and peace of mind.
• Fewer disagreements (between family and friends) about crucial decisions.
• The ability to dispel myths, worries, and fears about what happens after death. 
• Greater opportunity to have a voice, especially when we cannot speak for ourselves. 
• New ways (and yes, initiatives!) to broach the conversation.  This includes storytelling, community events, and even games.
• A better handle on challenging emotions and surprising outcomes like laughter and joy.
• Designation of whom we wish (and do not wish) to include in our plans and legacies.
• Greater ease, access, and support with completing and uploading the documents you need for your life.

Keep Talking

We may often express sadness, guilt, or grief that we did not have these conversations earlier, that decision had to be made without conversations, or that conversations did not go as planned.  Let us offer ourselves some grace; we're doing our best despite our situations and relationships.  No matter how it unfolds, every attempt at a conversation is a success. With practice and reflection, conversations can become more manageable.  Some (if not all) topics require more than one conversation.

With knowledge, there is power and relief.  Incredible resources offer space, time, and even the documents we need to discuss and plan for ourselves and our loved ones.  There is always flexibility in changing our minds, documents, and plans supporting these decisions. Let Life and Work Connections be part of your conversations to assist with counseling through ComPsych, dependent care, community agencies, and information to help determine legacies and life.