Parenting is a journey full of beautiful and proud moments, as well as upsetting and embarrassing ones. As parents, we all have experienced the staring looks people give us when our child throws a tantrum at the store or an event.

Behavioral experts encourage parents to understand that emotional outbursts do not occur because their child wants to misbehave or make their life difficult. They are a way of communicating a need, fear, frustration, or other emotions. Of course, this does not mean that they are doing it correctly and that we should let them do so. 

Teaching your child to manage emotions is a lifelong process that requires practice and patience as the child’s brain matures and learns how to self-soothe or regulate. Parents can use the following tools to support children in the process:

1. Emotional literacy. Normalize talking about emotions. Let your child know that all emotions are OK. There is no such thing as “good emotions” and “bad emotions,” but appropriate and wrong ways to express or manage them.
2. When talking to your child, name the emotion to help your child understand what they are feeling; “I see that you are (happy, sad, scared).” Share how you feel too; “I feel (sad, happy) when …” With younger children, you can use a mirror and play making faces.
3. Calm Zone. Identify and designate a space in your home where the child can go and “release” upsetting emotions. Invite your child to decorate and bring items that help them calm down. Teach your child the basic rule about this area: “No harm to themselves, others, or property.” In this zone, it is perfectly OK to burst out or do something to calm down. The idea is to provide the time and space to ventilate without disturbing others. The goal is that eventually the child learn to go and relax before exploding.
4. Soothing activities. We all relax and calm down differently. Help your child find what works for them: deep breaths, reading, exercising, drawing, listening to music, swinging, or rocking. Teach your child to identify the body signs that occur before they lose it - feeling agitated, a tummy tightness, wanting to cry – and invite them to start the preferred soothing strategy.
5. Practicing and modeling. Trying to teach your child to relax in the middle of a crisis is not effective. Take the time to practice the calming activity when the child is in a good mood and highlight how good it makes them feel. Let your child know (in a casual way and without sharing too many details) when you are not doing well and how you calm yourself down. It is important to let the child know that everyone may feel upset sometimes.
6. Routines and transitions. Uncertainty increases the chances of feeling unsettled and may trigger “emotional explosions.” On the other hand, when we know what to expect or what is coming next, it helps everyone to stay calm. Research shows that routines support acquiring self-regulation skills.

Parents must understand that, regardless of how well these tools are used and how much the child has learned, they will always see some setbacks. We all have days in which everything seems to go wrong, and we may feel upset and overwhelmed. When those episodes occur, don’t take it personally, take a deep breath, and remind yourself that what the child is doing is normal and part of growing. Tomorrow is a new beginning.