"I'm not really a caregiver," Sarah* insisted, even as she described rushing to her mother's house at 6 a.m. to check on her after a fall, rearranging her afternoon meetings to drive her to the neurologist, and staying up past midnight fighting with insurance companies over denied claims. "I'm just helping out."

Nationally, 63 million Americans are caregivers, yet only about 19% identify themselves as such. At the University of Arizona, with over 16,000 employees, this could mean thousands of our colleagues are providing major care while missing out on valuable support and resources.

As the consultation with the HR Life and Work Connections specialist continued, Sarah described organizing her mother's care team, handling insurance claims, adjusting her work schedule to accommodate medical emergencies, and assisting her brother with autism in navigating his job coaching services and social activities. Like many employees, Sarah was providing substantial care for multiple family members. Yet she didn't see herself as a caregiver. This article aims to help university employees recognize their caregiving roles and understand why claiming this identity is essential.

Many employees hesitate to identify as caregivers for understandable reasons—concerns about privacy, job security, cultural expectations, and time. Explore common barriers to caregiver identity →

Sarah's experience isn't unusual. At the University of Arizona, thousands of employees are likely providing care without recognizing it—and may miss out on support specifically designed for them.

What Caregiving Really Looks Like

Based on HR Life and Work Connections consultations with university employees, caregiving often includes:

• Scheduling medical appointments, talking with healthcare providers, and managing insurance across multiple systems
• Researching treatment options, asking questions in medical settings, and navigating different service systems
• Being the go-to person for difficult conversations, providing reassurance during health crises
• Supporting someone with memory changes, adapting communication as conditions progress, managing safety concerns
• Medication management, transportation, meal preparation, and financial oversight
• Navigating healthcare systems, making treatment decisions, and planning for changing needs

Read that list again. How many of these do you do in a typical week? If it's more than two or three, you're not "just helping." You're caregiving.

The Turning Point: When Recognition Happens

What changes? What makes someone finally say, "Yes, I'm a caregiver"?

For Sarah, the shift came during that initial consultation. She'd been listing everything she did—the early morning checks, the rearranged meetings, the insurance battles—but kept minimizing it. "My sister helps too," she kept saying. "It's not that big a deal."

Then the specialist asked a simple question: "If you couldn't do all of this tomorrow, who would step in and know exactly what to do?"

Sarah paused. The silence stretched. "Well... nobody else knows her medications as I do. My sister helps when she can, but she doesn't understand the insurance maze. She doesn't know which doctor handles what. And someone needs to coordinate everything with my brother's services, too."

Hearing herself describe the scope of her role out loud made it real. "I guess I am managing a lot," she admitted quietly.

The specialist responded, "What you're describing is caregiving. Complex caregiving. You're what we call a sandwich generation caregiver—caring for both an aging parent and a family member with disabilities while working. There are also resources designed for people doing exactly what you're doing. You don't have to figure this out alone."

That permission to name it—to stop minimizing it—made all the difference. Within a month, Sarah had arranged flexible work hours for appointment days. She connected with other employee caregivers who understood her experience. "I didn't realize how lonely I felt until I talked to someone else juggling the same things," she admitted.

Maria's recognition came differently. For three years, she had a practiced response when colleagues asked how she was doing: "Fine! Busy, but fine!" She'd perfected the smile that went with it. All the while, she was managing her husband's early-onset dementia while supporting her adult daughter through a mental health crisis.

Then came the morning she found herself sitting in her car in the parking garage before work, unable to stop crying. She couldn't remember the last time she'd slept through the night. She couldn't remember the last conversation she'd had that wasn't about medications, appointments, or care coordination. "I realized I couldn't keep pretending everything was fine," she recalled. "A colleague had mentioned Life and Work Connections months earlier. I finally thought, 'What do I have to lose?'"

The turning point came when the consultant looked at her with genuine concern. "You're not just a spouse and a parent. You're providing complex care for two people with serious conditions while working full-time. That's intensive caregiving. And you're doing it without support."

For Maria*, having someone acknowledge the weight of what she carried every day made the difference. Having someone say "this is hard" rather than expecting her to keep smiling gave her permission to seek support. She said, "I didn't need someone to fix everything. I just needed someone to say what I was doing mattered and that it was okay to ask for help."

Sometimes the shift is gradual. One employee described it as "the slow realization that this wasn't temporary anymore. I kept thinking things would go back to normal, but this was normal now." Another said recognition came when they found themselves searching online at 2 a.m. for information about their parents' diagnosis. "That's when I thought, 'Maybe I need to talk to someone who actually knows about this stuff instead of trying to become an expert on everything myself.'"

The common thread? Someone or something permitted them to acknowledge what they were already doing. They accepted that caregiving deserves support.

The Power of Self-Recognition

When employees acknowledge their caregiver role, remarkable things happen. They gain confidence in healthcare settings. They speak up more in medical discussions. They feel less alone. They start using workplace benefits they didn't know existed. They connect with other caregivers who understand their daily reality. Most importantly, they stop carrying everything by themselves.

Research supports this. Self-identified caregivers are more likely to seek resources. They feel empowered in medical discussions. They develop sustainable care strategies. They recognize that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness—it's a sign of wisdom.

Maria described the change this way: "Accepting that I'm a caregiver didn't change my husband's diagnosis or my daughter's needs. But it changed how I approached everything. I stopped thinking I had to figure it all out alone. I started asking questions, utilizing benefits I'd ignored, and actually speaking with my supervisor about what was going on. It made the impossible feel manageable."

You're Not Alone

If you recognize yourself in Sarah's or Maria's story, you're not alone. At Life and Work Connections, we hear similar stories every single day. The employee is managing a parent's cancer treatment while raising teenagers. The faculty member is coordinating care for a spouse with Parkinson's. The staff member is assisting an adult child in navigating mental health services. Different circumstances, same question: "Am I really a caregiver?"

The answer is yes. And you deserve support.

Take the Next Step

The question isn't whether you're doing enough to be called a caregiver. If you're reading this article and thinking, "That sounds like me," you already are one. The only question is: will you give yourself permission to get the support you deserve?

 Contact them at lifework@arizona.edu or 520-621-2493 to learn more. 

Next in this series: We'll explore how HR benefits can align with caregiving transitions and evolving roles, including strategies for navigating workplace conversations and maximizing support during different phases of your caregiving journey. 

*Although the names are fictitious, the experiences reflect common caregiver scenarios.